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Relationship – The No-Games Guide to Love

Looking for love? Craving a real connection? Sick of the games? Then stop playing them.


by Laurel House



You might not even realize the games you play. You may think that you are abiding by “the rules,” following the conventional dating expectations that dictate when you should call, not call, make yourself available, pretend to be busy, and tiptoe around the truth… which isn’t lying, it’s just not being exactly transparent. Screw the rules! It’s time to get real.


Here is the no-games approach to dating that will help you break down your barriers, be your authentic self, and step up your strategy to finally meet “the” one, as opposed to just another “some” one.


On your first date, don’t stick with “safe” subjects like your career, your dog, and your favorite travel spots. Get raw! Open up. Share something about yourself. That’s the purpose of the first date, right? To figure out if there is chemistry, if you’re a potential fit, if you share common ground… so why would you hide who you are, avoiding meaty topics that matter, and be careful not to fly potential red flags?


Wait… did my flag comment raise a few for you? Here’s the reason — if you say something on a first date like, “I’m divorced. Twice, actually. Both times I was young and not ready. The first time was at 21 and it only lasted for six months. I was trying to follow my parents’ lead — they were married at 21 and are still happily together. As for my second husband, we really didn’t take the time to get to know each other…” Do you think that’s appropriate? The answer is YES! Absolutely! Why? Because being divorced twice could be a red flag for someone. Don’t you want to know that early on, before you invest in the relationship, before you open your heart and dedicate your days?


If you are raw and honest and revealing, not just for the sake of dumping your baggage on the table, but instead to say: “… and I have learned so much about love and what I am looking for…,” you ‘fess up to having made mistakes. This may show vulnerability, but you reveal the silver lining — the lessons you have learned and how you are better because of them. That shows strength! That SAYS something. If they respond with, “You know, the fact that you were married twice, that’s a red flag for me and I can’t date you,” then, as they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea. You will meet someone else who will find it attractive that you were open to taking a chance, throwing caution to the wind, and jumping into love feet first… even if it unfortunately bit you on the butt.


When it comes to dating and most relationships, the easiest way to create a connection and initiate a bond is by being open, revealing something about yourself, even being vulnerable. If you’re open, chances are that the other person will be open, too. Both of you will then allow for the possibility of a deeper connection, one rooted closer to your core as opposed to something surface and fleeting. Once you reveal something about yourself, you have an automatic bond. You have shared on a level that you don’t generally expose. You have confided in each other.


If you want to find that deep guttural love, the love that lasts, that hooks your heart and implants itself in your soul, you’ve got to screw the façade, the protective layer, the walls, the hiding of the feelings, and the front. After all, you’re not looking for a friend. You’re looking for love. If you want depth, you’ve got to dig deep and form your connection there.


Laurel House is a four-time published author and go-to lifestyle expert on E! News. Her last book QuickieChick’s Cheat Sheet is based on her YouTube videos that have received over 12 million views. She is currently working in her fifth book Screwing the (dating) Rules: quickiechick.com 

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